Nonviolent Parenting Series

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A little more than a year ago, I made one of the most important and meaningful friendships. I met Leslie, a Santanera like me, mother and nonviolent parenting educator.  We met because of Instagram and decided to meet for a coffee.  I don’t believe there are any coincidences in this life, rather that there is a divinity greater than myself that brings ideas, people, things into our lives in their time.  Leslie was that for me and we’ve said to each other on multiple occasions that we manifested each other.

Leslie founded Comadre Wellness shortly after our meeting.  Comadre Wellness is meant as a community for co-madres, or co-mothers.

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What is a comadre?! . When I was growing up, I had a Nina. My Nina would care for me when my mom had to work, she fed me, asked about my life genuinely, took me to school every damn day, was the first one there when my parents were splitting up, and was just an all around chingona SUPPORTER who wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty when our family situation got messy. She was all of these things above and more. 👑 . In my own life, I have similar COMADRES who have given selflessly, exponentially, time and time and time again. They inspire me to be a better person but don’t have any qualms about being real with me when they see my strengths when all I see is weakness, even if that means telling me I’m full of caca (as I often am).💩 They will listen and they love my children like their own. . Comadre Wellness, a seed now, will grow into a physical space where women of color will come together to support each other in our individual journeys navigating the mountains peaks and deep valleys of motherhood. We will reach a blindingly bright wellness TOGETHER. I’m so excited for this labor of love that was born from my experiences as a mother, as a social worker, as a friend, and as a COMADRE. 💖 💪🏽👂🏽🧠👸🏽

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We began to build our dreams together and support one another.   Leslie returned to parent education and had vision for it’s future, soon after creating Latinx Parenting.

Latinx Parenting is a bilingual organization rooted in social justice and children’s rights, the ongoing practice of nonviolence towards ourselves and others, self-reflection and connection, and community wellness for every generation.

We offer family education and support that is culturally responsive to and for the Latinx community and its allies, trauma-informed, and centered on strengths and advocacy.

We are here to serve you, your children, their children, your parents, and the ripple of our ancestral mark on this earth. 

https://www.latinxparenting.org  

https://www.instagram.com/p/BuFAdqChC2I/

In October 2018 I began my nonviolent parenting journey.  I had only learned what it was and what it meant after meeting Leslie.  Her 6 week parenting series was exactly what I needed and now advocate for others to take it and learn about such an important topic.   For six weeks 12 parents joined for two and a half hours on Sundays.  It was a something I looked forward to for 6 weeks.

So what is “nonviolent parenting”?  The name sounds intense, does going to this series mean I’m violent?  The word ‘violent’ in this context refers to the way we can hurt  people (or our children) through the use of words which do not respect another as worthy of our compassion and understanding, rather than necessarily physical violence. Nonviolent parenting is synonymous with nonviolent communication, defined below.

With Nonviolent Communication (NVC) we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC helps us discover the depth of our own compassion. This language reveals the awareness that all human beings are only trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.

NVC can be seen as both a spiritual practice that helps us see our common humanity, using our power in a way that honors everyone’s needs, and a concrete set of skills which help us create life-serving families and communities.

The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.

What is Nonviolent Communication?

When I thought of how I wanted to parent I thought of how I was parented and what I hoped to do differently.   There is no doubt in my mind that my parents had that same thought, but I think that deciding to parent differently takes more than a choice; it takes learning and support.   And so here we are…

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‘Never before in history have we been in this place where as parents, we are looking at the way we were parented, and we are questioning it. The past generational parenting patterns were based in power; power over a child. Parents are looking at this way of parenting and are saying “NO” we want to do this differently! This is exactly where most of you are right now! That’s why you are a part of this community of peaceful parents! Here’s the thing, most of still have pain related to the way we were brought up; pain from our childhood. It isn’t until we take time to heal our past, and understand our triggers (that are born in childhood) that we can move forward in to a space of peaceful and conscious parenting. Simply put, when we heal ourselves, we stop the cycle of pain being passed onto our children. If you struggle with this, lets talk, I can help you through it.😘💗’ . . . #repost @parentingforconnection . . . #parentingforconnection #healing #triggers #childhoodpain #healyourpast #latinxparenting #doingitdifferent #peacefulparenting #consciousparenting #crianzacompasiva #familiasfuertes #strongfamilies #nonviolentparenting #latinxfamilies #dejalachancla #latinamoms #latinodad #newways #nuevasmaneras #healingcentered #traumainformed

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What will you learn over 6 weeks?  Broken down week by week are the topics covered, but without giving all of the goodness that you will learn, I will say that the work is mostly on yourself.

WEEK 1: Setting Intentions & the Nonviolent Paradigm

WEEK 2: Reflecting on Our Narratives & Understanding Triggers

WEEK 3: Brain Science, Emotional Intelligence & Connecting Communication

WEEK 4:Anger & Self-Regulation

WEEK 5: Setting Limits

WEEK 6: Integration, Practice, Review and Planning for Future Support

I learned so much about understanding and empathizing my child to be a compassionate parent.   Parenting with fear tactics, scolding, or withholding of love are all normal… but why?   When I reflect on my own narrative I think about my ability to not be heard, my feelings were never considered and that taught me to hide my feelings.    I don’t hold anything against my parents, instead I choose to be grateful for the skills that I learned from their parenting.  For instance, for the above example I feel I gained a calmness and composure in periods of high stress or panic.    I gained so many tools from the 6 week series and I cannot recommend it enough.

Latinx Parenting has grown into a two women operation and in early March they begin 2 series (details below).

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Want to hear what other attendees have to say?

Testimony videos curated by me.


To register for the series visit Latinx Parenting. What is utmost importance to them is access— please do not hesitate to contact them to work something out with your budget.

Did you learn something new or have a story to share?   Please let me know in the comments!

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Play Date Mamas NYE

 

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One of the best things I gained from becoming a mother, outside of the obvious, like growing my family and birthing a child… was this community of moms that with such arms wide open became my friends.

Three of these mamas have recently banded together to make The Playdate Mamas.  Their idea is to plan and organize play dates for families to take their kids but also build a community for us parents.   This was the second Playdate Mamas event I went to, the first was their Thanksgiving playdate.

I loved their idea for their NYE party.  It was for the families with young children that likely weren’t partying on NYE and it was on the 30th.   I loved that they had the festive hats, crowns and other NYE wearables on the tables for everyone.  There were sensory activities, dinner for parents (this was amazing and so appreciated), circle time with songs and a story, an apple juice toast and a countdown with a balloon drop!  The mamas did not disappoint with festivities and thought everything through.

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I am partnering with the Playdate Mamas to bring the Let Love Grow Galentine’s Party Playdate to life!  It’s in a few weeks, on February 10 and we are so excited for it.  It’s a twist on my Galentine’s Day party from last year… but this time with kids.  There will be activities for the adults and activities for kids, mimosas, adult snacks, circle time and more!   Follow us on Instagram to learn the details as they are released.  We are more than half way sold so if you want to attend purchase your ticket asap!  To purchase a ticket, direct message The Playdate Mamas on Instagram.

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To see more photos of the event, view them here.  To download photos use pin 8629. Please credit @olivelavida by tagging in the photo and mentioning in the comment.

How do you define yourself?

A few days ago I cut my hair shorter than I think most women would ever  consider cutting their hair.  I have done this often in my life, I am not afraid of having short hair.   But the reason I write this today is because it got me thinking about how much we let things define us.  I have heard throughout my life “I would never cut that short”, “how could you”, “I don’t think women look good with short hair”, etc. etc. etc.   This time I cut my hair because frankly I was tired of having it up in a bun for days and undoing it to find so much hair broken.  I have thinning and fine hair so losing any is a big deal.  Now with short hair, I can take better care of it continuing my scalp oil treatments and hair masks.

I journaled, with the question in mind, who am I?   I don’t let my hair define me but what other things might I be allowing to define me?  My glasses… for instance.  So I wrote a list of questions to guide me in my explorations of defining who I am.   In this train of thought that led to this post I also got thinking about how 2018 taught me so much about myself.  I am so much wiser on my own rhythms and flow and so much strength comes from knowing it.  If we just lived in a place of knowing ourselves more, we wouldn’t be in a state of resistance that sometimes leads to stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.   This year I also came to really appreciate “adulting” because “adulting” truly is just having a better  sense of self.  “I’m going to pack my lunch and get to bed early because I know myself and don’t want to rush in the morning”  “I’m going to pack the diaper bag today so that tomorrow I’m not frustrated trying to get out of the door”  So many times when we are “adulting” we are just being better informed of ourselves and all too often “adulting” is seen as a bad thing.

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